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musing: what can be sucked dry
what can be cummed
feels good
not crying
not there
please, get off me
while mom calls
you should come here now

gasping, staring at you
prodding your chest
doctors enter and,
seeing a lion, say oh
back away
sorry

after, dealing against it
clawing your leather chair when i get home
eating
watching tropic lines
get hot pink
at the drive-thru thinking: wish i could die now for the first time
feels good to feel full
after, burping
not crying
eating
not crying
sucking down
not remembering
eating
sucking
chopping mother like a tree
bitch the word spits bitch!
not speaking for many days
sleeping
not speaking for many days
sleeping

not remembering

sweating at your outline in the doorway
night and night and night
oh god
the refrain: i am not loved enough
i am not loved enough
help me!
i am dying!
sucking memory

oh my god, oh god
he is not living
i am dying
and i am dreaming again, in the kitchen
don’t touch me, don’t touch me! please
waking up to your outline in the doorway
what does it mean?

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