“and now i feel no sign of you…
where once you were on my heart
at the moment of rising,
now you are strangely absent
and i miss your sickness”
– ancient poem, not about love

i am contaminated
likewise

you’ve found yourself
curiously in my thoughts

black water shaped around you
moving more than i thought you could
the tail gone, it looked like
you were human after all

search light on you
naked at the port
knocked about in a wave or two
never washing out

a circumstance becomes a happening
are you mine, refugee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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survival

 

when being run down
i always imagine myself circling a tree
back and forth around the trunk
waiting for him to tire
it’s funny, actually
until i struggle for my life

but when i imagine it, i always see some one else
caught in it, not me

this is the part i cannot stand watching
material coming unbound, for some one,
all the stitches out
the thing getting overwhelmed

dead is something else
a question mark in a stretch of letters
a sign standing in
for an atmosphere that couldn’t begin to word itself

it is the living who expire on death
starstruck with the body
that won’t write anymore

 

headache

perhaps my own negligence will kill you
bending down around the corner of our little house
while you are snatched from the lawn

or my breasts will dry
and i’ll watch you starve
all i’ve loved, uninhabitable

june, will you hang on to me?
there is no way of knowing

still spooked in a house alone
wary walking the street
my fears are still a child’s
what will you know of me?

 

code

i have killed all kinds, what is a suitable punishment for me? what is a suitable punishment for me?silent to a slur, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?would rather be liked, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?even crushed the slinky babes building webs in door jambs, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?hungered and i filled beyond, hunger and i killed more, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me? colonial little helper, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?turned my back to suffering, dying in the street, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?feeling sorry, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?inept, bankrupt, status quo what is a suitable punishment for me?

essay on my body

some parts of me are free, and those parts are necessarily dark
i mean it. no light originates from inside my head. only from the outside. i need light to make sense. in my guts, darkness. i like it.
i get to thinking about creation; how pitiably hungry we are about it.

my free parts cannot be read by anyone but me
do not be threatened
make no mistake, i like to share
all the things that other people know about each other, all the things that keep us familiar, i like that too

and inside, all the while, i’m routinely writing what cannot be seen
i throw letters out to a black pond
i paddle out in vigorous sentences
i am seasick with words sometimes
i want to harbor something challenging, unbearable
and bring it to light

when it’s done i am relieved; i look down at it
my freedom is full of error, fearful, and always changing.

all the little things that make the big things
happen in blackness
i am from a dark, wet, place
smelling like an animal
disgusting, intentional