“and now i feel no sign of you…
where once you were on my heart
at the moment of rising,
now you are strangely absent
and i miss your sickness”
– ancient poem, not about love

i am contaminated
likewise

you’ve found yourself
curiously in my thoughts

black water shaped around you
moving more than i thought you could
the tail gone, it looked like
you were human after all

search light on you
naked at the port
knocked about in a wave or two
never washing out

a circumstance becomes a happening
are you mine, refugee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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survival

 

when being run down
i always imagine myself circling a tree
back and forth around the trunk
waiting for him to tire
it’s funny, actually
until i struggle for my life

but when i imagine it, i always see some one else
caught in it, not me

this is the part i cannot stand watching
material coming unbound, for some one,
all the stitches out
the thing getting overwhelmed

dead is something else
a question mark in a stretch of letters
a sign standing in
for an atmosphere that couldn’t begin to word itself

it is the living who expire on death
starstruck with the body
that won’t write anymore

 

code

i have killed all kinds, what is a suitable punishment for me? what is a suitable punishment for me?silent to a slur, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?would rather be liked, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?even crushed the slinky babes building webs in door jambs, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?hungered and i filled beyond, hunger and i killed more, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me? colonial little helper, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?turned my back to suffering, dying in the street, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?feeling sorry, what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?what is a suitable punishment for me?inept, bankrupt, status quo what is a suitable punishment for me?

essay on my body

some parts of me are free, and those parts are necessarily dark
i mean it. no light originates from inside my head. only from the outside. i need light to make sense. in my guts, darkness. i like it.
i get to thinking about creation; how pitiably hungry we are about it.

my free parts cannot be read by anyone but me
do not be threatened
make no mistake, i like to share
all the things that other people know about each other, all the things that keep us familiar, i like that too

and inside, all the while, i’m routinely writing what cannot be seen
i throw letters out to a black pond
i paddle out in vigorous sentences
i am seasick with words sometimes
i want to harbor something challenging, unbearable
and bring it to light

when it’s done i am relieved; i look down at it
my freedom is full of error, fearful, and always changing.

all the little things that make the big things
happen in blackness
i am from a dark, wet, place
smelling like an animal
disgusting, intentional